I can’t sleep. I keep hearing your voice in my head over and over again telling me that you care about me, that you put your soul into everything you do. And I really hope you’re lying because this time it’s breaking me into pieces.
I can see us now in my dream. We are at some wedding. I don’t know. On a balcony. You are dressed nicely. Tuxedo. Black. Something like that. I don’t know what I’m wearing but I hope it’s a tight red dress. I have a glass of champagne in my hand. I look at you and you look at me and our gazes lock. You say nothing this time, but I know that look. I’ve seen it a million times before. You want me. You need me. You miss me. You love me.
It just rips my heart out because you ruined your whole life out of pressure for them to like you:
‘’I hope you’re happy. I wish you all the best. I hope you will be happy with the woman that you love.’’
That’s all I say. I look at you. You say nothing because it hurts. I can see it in your eyes. Then, I put the glass of champagne down on the balcony and I leave you there all alone.
Somewhere, in a bathroom, I crumble down. Somewhere you don’t see because it took everything in me not to love you, not to kiss you, not to stay. But I wanted you for me, so much. I just had to do the right thing, I have my morals.
I let my silence fill in the empty spaces. All the words I couldn’t say. ‘Cause sometimes silence is better than words because in silence you can always get the answers you need if you are brave enough to listen. And the answers are not in the things we do say, but in the things we don’t.
And I didn’t tell you how much I loved you, I let you guess that… from my silence.
Lots of love,
Mădă ❤
Mădălina Daniela Dan 